


Party Crashers

by VampirePaladin



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: CIA, Crossdressing, Disguise, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, FBI, KGB, M/M, United States Air Force, United States Marine Corps, Vatican
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-16
Updated: 2011-09-16
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:54:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampirePaladin/pseuds/VampirePaladin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prussia and Romano just can not let a formal party exclusive to recognized modern nations happen. That means only one thing, time to crash it. Language warning</p>
            </blockquote>





	Party Crashers

When ever there was a nation summit there was always an accompanying dinner. It was a bit formal and usually had a few speeches. It also had a very exclusive list. Only actual nations were allowed inside. Even if someone used to be a full fledged nation in the past, once they lost that status they could not go to the dinner until it was regained. Some, like the former Republic of Texas did not mind getting out of a stuffy dinner. Others, like Taiwan, also known as the Republic of China, were furious every time that they were not allowed to attend. In order to ensure that only recognized nations got inside and that there were no gate crashers, different nations took turns providing security for it.

“But, I AM a nation,” Canada pleaded with the two women in front of him.

“Look here you mother fucker, I got the list right here. I don’t see no god-damned states on it,” a small, foul mouthed Asian woman said. She was barely five feet tall. This woman wore the uniform of the United States Marine Corps with immaculate care. She was proud of her uniform. After all, why wouldn’t the USMC herself be proud of it?

Canada turned to the other woman. “You know me, you know I am a nation!”

“Hmm,” the blonde haired woman looked him over. She was the United States Air Force. “No, I don’t think you are a nation.”

“How can you not know me? You are dating the Royal Canadian Air Force!” The blonde stared blankly at him. “He took you to the military ball. I said your dress was lovely.”

Marine looked over at her companion. “You get against the wall with this fucker?”

“Oh no, I don’t think we’ve ever had a tea party before.”

“Airhead,” USMC grumbled under her breath.

“Thank you.”

As Canada continued desperately attempting to prove his nationhood to the two uniformed women, two other men sat in a bar.

“How can they not let the awesome me in? I made Germany the country he is today.”

“I should be there, not Feliciano. I practically raised that potato hugger.”

Prussia took another gulp from his drink and slammed the clear glass on the less then clean wooden bar. “If anyone should be kept out it should be our little brothers.”

“We’re the older siblings. We should be gueshts of honor.”

An Asian woman walked into the bar. She climbed into a bar stool and ordered a stiff drink.

“Why are you here, Taiwan?”

“THAT person blocked me again.” Taiwan took sip of her drink. She grimaced and then followed it up with a second, larger gulp.

“You are a territory of Chiiina,” Romano taunted her.

Taiwna got off her stool. “Say that again!”

“Shave me,” Romano ducked behind Prussia.

“I dun have a razor.”

“You two don’t even do anything. I was recognized, I have an economy and a government. Sealand is more of a country then you.”

“Say that again.” Prussia felt the metaphorical light bulb over his head.

“You don’t do anything?” Taiwan stared at the German in confusion.

“No, the last thing.”

“Sealand is more of a country then you.”

“Don’t make me do…. Shomething,” Romano threatened emptily.

“That’s it! We dress up like unimportant countries that are recognized but didn’t attend. I know Liechtenstein was feeling sick.”

Romano tried to focus through the haze of alcohol. Did he know anyone that was not at the party? “That old man, the Vatican stayed home to look for ‘is cat.”

“I said nation, not religion.”

“Vatican ish considered a nation.”

“Romano, we are going to the party!”

It took about an hour and some help from the mostly sober Taiwan. Prussia had not dressed in drag for a long time after all and he needed help from an actual girl to look right. Taiwan warned them to avoid the east entrance. Apparently, some state was trying to get in there pass two woman in uniform. At the west entrance were just a pair of men in suits. To get their courage up, they had a few more drinks. Prussia went from pretty sober to not so sober.

The two men approached the entrance together. Standing there was two men in suits. They looked like some lame movie people with their matching sunglasses and dark uniforms.

“Identification is required, sir,” the olive skinned man on the right said. He had more experience working with foreign nations. He was the one and only CIA.

“Sorry, we can’t let either of you in.” The FBI turned his thin lips into a smile at the two of them. “It isn’t an open nation event. There is an open picnic tomorrow.”

“You never could act the part, FBI,” CIA said without looking at him.

“Some of us do actual police work, instead of trying to play James Bond.”

“Tee-hee,” Prussia giggled, “I’m Frankenstein. I’m looking big brother.” He might have gotten a little mixed up over whom he was supposed to be dressed as.

The men in suits just stared at the poor attempt at looking remotely female. One of the many give a ways that Prussia was not Liechtenstein was the small detail that he had stuffed his chest to a size bigger then Ukraine’s.

“I blesh you shon.” Romano made something approaching the sign of the cross… maybe.

A cell phone rang. CIA pulled his phone out. He listened to what the person on the other end said and made a few vague replies. After exactly eighty-seven seconds he hung up.

“I have to go. MI-5 arranged a Cold War team laser tag match.”

“What about our post!?”

“You are such a good honest cop, you handle it.” CIA smirked at the FBI as he walked out the door. A car sped down the street and stopped on a penny. CIA got into it and nodded to the driver.

“Hello, KGB, so how is working for Belarus?”

The reply could not be heard as the passenger door shut and the car blasted off into the night.

FBI glared at the departing agency. This was so typical of the CIA. He would go off and have fun with other international agencies and leave the FBI to deal with things back home. FBI hated him so much. He would get back at the other.

“So what nations are you two supposed to be? Liechtenstein and the Vatican?” He got the names off the checklist.

“Yesh, I am the most woolly of woollies. I am the Vadercan.”

“I’m Shexystein. Tee-hee.”

The FBI found the names of the nations that were being impersonated and forged the CIA’s signature as the agency to check them in. “Just go right in those two and have a lovely evening.”

The two men swayed back and forth as they walked past the FBI. They could not help but snicker at how they fooled the idiot American. Nothing could stop them now. It was time for them to crash the party.

Inside of a formal ballroom, all the recognized nations were having a formal party. There were tables draped in elegant ivory white cloth. The best of foods from around the world covered a buffet to the point that it threatened to collapse under the weight. Of course not every nation was happy. They had been waiting over an hour for the country that was supposed to make the opening speech.

“Shouldn’t you go look for the missing country, America? You are supposedly in charge of security,” England said to America.

“I’m sure he’s just late. Besides, I’m busy.” America had most of his attention on his phone. Angry Birds was very important, at least compared to these stuffy meetings.

Ukraine tapped her brother on the shoulder and leaned forward, breasts swaying in the breeze.

“I can’t find Belarus. Have you seen her?”

Russia felt a chill down his spine. He lifted the end of the table clothe and saw an all too familiar figure crouched under the table and staring up at him. Very slowly, like he was worried about scaring a venomous snake, Russia pulled his long legs onto the chair and wrapped his arms around them.

“Da, I saw her.”

That was when a certain pair entered the ballroom.

“I ish VATICAN,” Romano announced his entry with a yell.

Prussia giggled. “Oh Vatican, you are sho manly.”

The room was silent. The only noise was the sound of America’s phone falling out of his hand. Germany wanted to be swallowed up by the ground about now.

“Vatican seems a little different,” Italy looked at his brother in confusion.

“That is your brother,” Germany said.

“I didn’t know the Vatican was also my brother. I don’t think Romano will like that.”

“Just…. Nevermind.”

Switzerland got up out of his chair. A pistol was drawn from his belt as he advanced on Prussia. How dare he impersonate his sister and ruin her good name.

“Hey, don’t murder my idiot brudder!” Germany tackled Switzerland.

Belarus leapt from her den and grabbed for Russia. Russia shrieked like a little girl and pushed his chair away. It fell backwards but he was up on his feet and running for dear life.

Hungary looked over at Spain. She gave him a look and without words they knew what they had to do. The two rose as one and walked around the brawling Switzerland and Germany.

Romano pulled Prussia to him. Prussia was doing his best to act like an appropriate damsel.

“I has shpent so lon’ wit’out shex.”

“Swiss Mish won’t let me have sex.”

Their eyes met and the two started to move closer to each other. That is when the hands of Hungary and Spain descended on them. The two were unceremoniously pulled to a closet and thrown in. When Hungary locked the door they thought their troubles were over, especially since Belarus had been handcuffed to her seat.

That was when the noises inside the closet began.

Almost every nation tried to block out the noises. No one wanted to open the door to see a fake Vatican and Liechtenstein getting it on drunkenly. Well, France had tried to see, but he had been out voted. There were only three nations that were not miserable for one reason or another. The aforementioned France was one of them. Another was Israel, who had been texting about everything with the actual Vatican. Both Israel and Vatican were very amused by the impersonation. The happiest of them all was Lithuania. He was spoon feeding the handcuffed Belarus.

That was the state of affairs when Canada finally got inside. He approached the podium as he reached into a pocket for his note cards. It was time to give the speech he had spent no less then a year composing. This would be a work remembered for the ages. For this brief time, no one would fail to notice him. He looked up and was surprised to see a several unamused nations walking toward him with less then kindness in their eyes.

“Is something the matter guys?”

**Author's Note:**

> The KGB does still exist in Belarus only. Of course it has been replaced in other former Soviet countries.


End file.
